A cynical look at Christmas
by subacati
Every year around this time, business start gearing up for Christmas
This parody of Jingle bells is a cynical look at this phenomenon.
Warning – This post contains inappropriate language and excessive cynicism – do not read if you are easily offended or even if you just love Christmas …
Warning – This post contains inappropriate language and excessive cynicism – do not read if you are easily offended or even if you just love Christmas
Every year, two months before Christmas, businesses try their utmost to capitalise on 'the Christmas spirit' :awww:
The shops are suffused with Christmas ditties and cheap, glittery streamers are hung everywhere. Prices are put up so that they can be 'reduced' for 'Christmas special' that aren't really special at all. 🙄
Surely even people who love Christmas a lot must find this annoying. :irked:
So, in celebration of the commercialisation of Christmas, here is a parody of Jingle Bells!
(chorus)
Jingle bells, Santa smells,
Rudolph's nose is grey!
His dwarf's too tall, his stomach too small
and where's his fucking sleigh, hey?!
It's to the mall we'll go
Two months till christmas day
The tinsel's up and carols resound throughout the shops all day
And at the mall we'll try
to buy a plastic tree
We'll put it on the credit card and pay in January!
(chorus)
Jingle bells, Santa smells,
Rudolph's nose is grey!
His dwarf's too tall, his stomach too small
and where's his fucking sleigh, hey?!
there's specials at the mall
from now till christmas eve
You asked for one, they gave you two but one of them was free!
How do these specials work?
What are they costing me?
It's twice the price you payed last month but half of it's for free
(chorus)
Jingle bells, Santa smells,
Rudolph's nose is grey!
His dwarf's too tall, his stomach too small
and where's his fucking sleigh, hey?!
It's Christmas time again
It's time for charity
Spend ten Rand on the homeless man, ten thousand Rand on me!
Who cares if you're hungry?
To eat you have to pay!
I've a party planned that's gonna be grand so I cannot help you see?
(chorus)
Jingle bells, Santa smells,
Rudolph's nose is grey!
His dwarf's too tall, his stomach too small
and where's his fucking sleigh, hey?!
In debt up to the the sky
I'm in the red I fear
But let's not be concerned with that, by August we'll be clear
At last we breath a sigh.
But this is what I fear!
October's gone November's here. Will Christmas soon be here?!
(chorus)
Jingle bells, Santa smells,
Rudolph's nose is grey!
His dwarf's too tall, his stomach too small
and where's his fucking sleigh, hey?!
Jingle bells, Santa smells,
Rudolph's nose is grey!
His dwarf's too tall, his stomach too small
and – where's – his – fah-king sleigh???
subacati 
no not cynical at all… :whistle:
no not cynical at all… :whistle:
I love Christmas, but hate all the hype and commercialism.
Originally posted by Spaggyj:
And yet are unable to avoid it. :awww::sst: Unless we all go live in a cave somewhere that is. :irked:Originally posted by Cois:
Not good enough for you? Don't worry, the next is a little stronger! :whistle:
Originally posted by qlue:
Don't give her ideas :irked: She will find you anyway :insane:
i agree, christmas has become too commercialized
:yes: In the late 60s I formed a band because (Just like everyone else…) I wanted to do something different. The first song we learned was a cute little ditty what I wrote called 'Neon Christmas'. I can only remember the first two lines now:-Neon Christmas is coming.Summer must be on its way…Maybe I'll dig out the band and we can perform your lyrics, it can't go down any worse than mine did…:cry:
Originally posted by Deke:
Well there's no accounting for taste! :p
lol
Originally posted by qlue:
Quite. I mean, I do like all the gifts and stuff they bring out in department stores, but for every classy, cute little gift there's 10 cheap, tacky counterparts sold for mental prices and over-joviality (and fake joviality at that) everywhere.
Originally posted by Spaggyj:
Yup! :awww:
Originally posted by Spaggyj:
I assume that's the i-phone you're referring to there?:)
Originally posted by Deke:
Oho!
Christmas is coming! :insane: 😥 :bomb:
Originally posted by 7Wellis:
This is exactly what bothers me. :rolleyes:Today is Eid-ul-Adha for us Muslims. This is often explained as being the Muslim 'Christmas'. But we haven't been flooded by hype for the last two to three months! :left:In a similar vein, all other religions have their days of celebration without the two months of hype and commercial fanfare. Yet this fanfare is seldom coming from the devout Christian. Most of the hype is from managers and ad agencies and probably from people who don't even subscribe to the Christian faith in the first place. :awww:For them it's just about making money! :irked:
Normally I love Christmastime and the silent December at home with candle light and silent music. BUT here in Germany the hype starts in September!! I try to ignore it, but sometimes it is hard to ignore the "Jingle Bells…"
awww…everyone just went and skipped halloween. :alien:
Originally posted by Cois:
That's still coming according to the calendar. What are you dressing up as?
Originally posted by 7Wellis:
Yes, although the celebration is still on. :up:
Originally posted by qlue:
You are really right! It is a shame! Did you celebrate your Muslim "Christmas" Eid-ul-Adha as you like it?
Have fun and enjoy!:)
Just got home from a delicious braai! :chef:
What is a "braai"? A delicious meal?
Originally posted by 7Wellis:
Meat cooked over charcoal! Similar to a barbecue. :chef:
Mjam, Mjam…:hat:
Originally posted by qlue:
(Sigh…) You foreigners…It's like you have another word for everything.
😆 it's called language. :p
Hey, that's what we call it!:yes:
you foreigners and your languages! :p the most common thing I see here is when people try to make foreigners understand what they're saying by saying the word much louder.:doh: so you're foreign AND you have a hearing impediment. 🙄
Originally posted by Cois:
I think that's a World-wide phenomena! 😆
Originally posted by Cois:
I sometimes find myself doing that :whistle: 😀