I need somw advice!
by subacati
My ex is asking for money again! …
As Usual, my ex has recently started being all friendly again. She started of talking about getting back together again. :left:.
But, also as usual, within 24 hours she began asking for 'help'.
First, she 'needed' a new phone.
Then she 'needed' to open a clothing account, apparently her mother said something to the company when they phoned to confirm her address! (probably told them the truth) So they turned her down. So she then asked me to 'help' her open the account. :left:. I refused, because I know I'll end up being responsible for a debt I can't afford! :irked:.
She told me a nice story about how she was starting a new job as a 'pa' for one of South Africa's top clothing designers. :rolleyes:. So she needed to 'look the part'. She chose 'Mr Price' for this, a shop that caters mostly to teenager!
Then, she needed money for stock for her catering 'business'.
Basically, How do I tell her to f off politely?
Here's her latest sob-story!
(21/07/2010 08:53:30) Mumtaaz : Hey u , was at d hsptl al day yday , they r testn my blood , sayn i hav sum virus dats in it , im on heavy medz at d moment , bt nd t wrk aswel cud u plz lend me r450 , as sn as my 1st ordr goez ot il pay it bk , i tawt id cum c u ths wk bt i jst cnt make it , im so weak nd im afraid of passn ot in da wrng plce ,if u decide t help text me il gv u my bnk dtailz , love m , ps,.i reali nd ur help aadil 😥 nd i promis i wil pay bk
My friend, it is fantastic story for demanding money for want of medical treatment !She is ex one and reinstated the relation now, it is so funny job to keep her in pocket or let her go!It is matter of past experience about her habit or habituate for demanding money. That factor depends , whether to pay or not ?Second, if you want to deny with tactfully, you may tell her, that, dear, still in our company, where I am doing my job, there lay off is going on and still board of directors have not decided to pay back wages, so , we all employees are waiting to get last 3 months back wages. So, please, dear borrow from where you are to do the job as ps! As and early, I get my salary, we will pay your dues !!!:)
Thanks for your advice! :up:.I will take it into consideration!
Hmmm, it's a tricky one. Personally, from the little information and backround you've given, plus your reactions with certain wording and smileys within the post, I gather she has asked this at least once before – the question is, is she indeed in need of medical/business money, or just trying to get money for other purposes?Far as I see it, an ex is an ex. She's yours, and therefore not your responsibility. You're hers, and certainly not her bank. Has she paid back borrowed money before? Is she nice to you when she doesn't want something from you? If it was me in this situation, I'd decline as politely as possible, but honestly. It's the only way people learn. State why.
Dude. Do what I do. Say you're broke and was just about to call her for help. 🙄 actually you already got some good advice..
"How do I tell her to f off politely?"Tell her you don`t believe in spam 😀
Don't do it politely. 😉 Seems as soon as she needed money, she instantly started filing through her mental list of potential sources, and you were obviously pretty high up. If it's worked before, she'll consider that it'll work again.Which looks very much like the behaviour a baby engages in: It cries and the parents rush in to see what it wants (changing, food, comforting, whatever). The baby soon learns that crying gets it what it wants, so it doesn't do any different because it has no need to.In this instance, she's given you a sob story about needing money (which may or may not be true – not calling your ex a liar; I don't know her, but from the tone of your post, it seems as though she's spun a few tales before, and I'd trust your word over what she says in her message). She then promises several times she really will pay it back. (Y'know, that somehow kind of reminds me of some of those spam messages people get on the email these days. I don't know if you're familiar with them, but … 😉 )To sweeten the deal, she offers you her bank details. Uh … a) If there's no money in there, how can you get your money back, and b) Unless she's specifically given you some sort of legal document indicating that she says you're allowed to withdraw x amount of money from her bank account, and the bank okays this, you could get in serious trouble later if she decides to get cranky at you for some reason. "Aadil stole money out of my account". Hey, exes can be vindictive (not always, but you hear stories).Hmm …FWIW, I advise simply a flat, "No. Sorry, I can't". If she badgers you as to why not, or how she really needs it, again: "No. Sorry. I'm not in a position to be able to do that". Start each reply with 'No' (which she hears first: the refusal). Add the, 'Sorry' (which indicates you're sympathetic and not just a (from her perspective) bastard for not providing her with what she wants, thus mollifying the refusal). Then the vague, 'I'm not in a position to be able to do that', or variations on a theme (which indicate the likelihood you're being legitimate and not just (from her perspective) mean). Shes not currently in your life, so doesn't need to know anything about your personal finances. You could be saving for a house or helping someone else out or whatever. It's not her business anymore, so you don't need to give her details. Be vague, but state you're 'not in a position to be able to help'.The first time or two will be the most difficult (and she will ask again in the future). Stay the course. Eventually, this 'mental list' of 'cash cows' she has will alter, and you'll end up right down the bottom, then off it completely.Hope that helps. :)Failing that, just tell her you can't understand her bloody message! Friggin' txt spk! :irked: 😉
was she polite when she requested a divorce?don't allow anybody using you. Kindness is not a weakness.We teach people how to treat us, and if they know that, we will accept their sh$$ as many times as they feel like throwing it to us , they will do exactly that!I also know , when people ask for an advice, usually they do not want one.They just want to validate what they decided already… So, what are you going to do? Ihope what ever it is, it is the right one for you….:love:
*update*After telling her that I need to confirm some other commitments before deciding, and that it would not be before next week, she deleted me as a contact on MXIT! :rolleyes:.Thus confirming that she was just after some easy money and wasn't really interested in getting back together again! :irked:.
Originally posted by Spaggyj:
Exactly! :rolleyes:.Originally posted by Cois:
Originally posted by clean:
Just what I was thinking! :left:.Originally posted by clean:
Something like that, although I doubt she's ever needed money in her life. Her family takes good care of her basic needs, so I'd change that 'needed' to 'wanted'. :awww:.Originally posted by ellinidata:
You've read me right! :p.You see, my heart and my head conflict heavily here! I know that she's just trying to scam me, but her emotional blackmail tactics strike a chord on my heart strings! :doh:.I needed reassurance that my head was making the right decision so that my heart would also be able to accept that decision! :up:.Thanks guys, your comments helped me to make peace with what I had already decided! :yes:.
Toxic relationship … put it behind you and move on. Easier to say than do, of course. But it's what's best for you.
wow! that was a fast reaction on her behalf!!a tempered lady for sure! fast reactions always show the real character of a person, however if she adds you again and she says "you were deleted in error", it won't surprise me!:down:
Just read through the comments. That's a smart wolf we got. :yes: Looks like I was right about her moving on eh? She will come back occasionally, but a few more instances where you can't help or question her lifestyle will sort that out.
Someone who types like that doesn't deserve politeness. :bomb:.I've known a load of her sort before. Don't bother telling her off. She'll just use it as the basis of a sob story to go to someone else with and get what she wants. Instead you just tell her that you really wish you could help her get her life sorted out, but you've got a lot going on right now. Undoubtedly she'll press you for details on what you're doing, at which point you ask why it's so important to her when you're not together anymore, and start acting suspicious about her wanting money. As she sees you rumble her game "for the first ever time" she'll back off. Variations of that used the next couple of times she comes asking will make her realise your well has dried up and she'll move onto, for want of a better term, another sucker.
Lovely woman. 🙄
My english is better than hers. 😀
Originally posted by Furie:
I've been playing it that way for a while now. I don't expect to hear from her for another year or two now! :rolleyes:.
Good Morning , Adil !:coffee: :cheers: :yes:
Even though the problem seems to be solved for now, I'll kick in a comment anyway:Originally posted by David:
… would be what I'd do too. Some people do all they can to get what they want. Originally posted by Mik:
I agree! It took a bloody while to even read what she typed! :yikes:And she is but an ex. Not your responsibility, like you isn't hers.
Thanks for the comments.
Are you still in love with her?Hmmm, tricky is right. Don't let her use you. Take care, good luck.
Here it is necessary to maintain relations and politely deny with love ! That is diplomacy 😆 😆 :yes:
Originally posted by abdulaziznorat:
Diplomacy is telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey! :p.
The Irish have a particular knack for that… 😆
Yeah I know! :insane:.I also know what "thanks buddy" really means! :whistle:.
Kinda like when a junk man says, "Trust me." ? 😆
Diplomacy is telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they know they deserve it and will leave all their worldly goods to you just before putting the gun in their mouths. :up:
Originally posted by qlue:
I just open an email from her sent on the 30th of October! 🙄 .Just a polite "hello, how are you!" so far but I'm guessing I'll be hearing from her soon! :p .
Uh-oh!
Ah, just in time for Christmas. 🙄
I don't exactly check my email daily. So it could be days after she emails me before I respond. :whistle: .Of course, If I happen to respond in the middle of the night well, it's not my fault she uses a BlackBerry. :devil: .(do you think she knows that BlackBerry adds a caption to her emails? :sherlock: )
Originally posted by Spaggyj: